Is my primary motive for a Courageous Conversation with my spouse to get him to listen to my feelings? If I know I’ve got his sustained attention and he’s agreed to the “listening” rules, is my objective to fire away? Hey, I got the floor now.
I’ve been pondering this because when I’m caught in the flood of my emotions…in the sea of hurt, I really want to tell him these things. But is there a responsibility I carry? My motive for talking? I have tunnel vision.
Despite the swirling emotions and list of offenses that consume my thoughts as I launch into the Courageous Conversation, I am see in bold letters in my mind’s sky: RESTORE
The Courageous Conversation is about restoring fellowship with my spouse but it can’t really happen apart from my vertical relationship. David was forgiven of adultery and murder because he was broken hearted about his wrongdoings and confessed them to God. Certainly, David had many horizontal relationships damaged and in need of a CC. But when David got right vertically, he was called “a man after God’s own heart.” That’s where I must first go.
So as a challenge to be the “speaker” in Courageous Conversation, the Spirit says to me, “RESTORE.” If I refuse to examine my own heart, and grieve over my own sins separating me from God, I must restore that broken relationship first. Then out of that vertical restoration, I proceed with a CC with my spouse. The emotions are still real, the pressing issue is still valid but with the underpinnings to restore. Restore and maintain intimate fellowship with God and with my spouse.